forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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