I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
