Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
