Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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