it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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