I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
