remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
