need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm so fucking centered right now
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
