How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I came so hard my ears popped.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
