I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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