I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
