I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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