hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
