why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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