I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Randomize
