I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
