I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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