I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Drunk is a universal language darling
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
