Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
