i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
