naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
