seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Of course I have a pirate flag
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
