WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I could fuck to npr.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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