I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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