But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
