cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
