I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
