My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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