closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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