You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
