Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Your penis caused this!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
