btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
