Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
