the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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