wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
