i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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