yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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