Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
