At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
