My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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