were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
