Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
