Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
