I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
