Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
