fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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