I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
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$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
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he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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