Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
