just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
