So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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