If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
