I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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