im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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