Kiss
Puke
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
