im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
