I can't watch pbs sober anymore
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
