i permit you to call me
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
