i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
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Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
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But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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