i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
