I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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