I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
