To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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