So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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