I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
