He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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