She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
