Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
