I wish I could punch you in the face.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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