When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
